Had been in an depressive mode since my last post...
was wondering why things are like that, felt like an
outsider whether in the office, with friends or watever..
it felt difficult for me to fit in, hence became overly
sensitive and the mood swings sets in and the depressive
mode automatically came on only to find myslf loathing myself
and everyone around me.. ha. but the fact is i did'nt feel anything
good abt that.
ha. just being plain stupid. kept telling myself i need to get away
and leave this place to start everything afresh but deep in my heart
i do know that the only place i was heading was self-destruction.
i know going in circles for that is just moronic, people did move on
and so shall i. i was trying to find a closure but unable to do so.
but i know the only problem do lie with myself, rationally i would
think that is just a part and parcel of life.
Guess that i like to play the role of "victim" very much
haha.. i always say i din know why things turn out like
that but i guess i know why. perhaps that's becos of the same
erratic temperament we both shared. i did played a part in making
that fall apart (haha.. it rhymes hor?)
now what i can only do is to accept that fact things did changed
and i'm changing also. holding on to that promise made then
was just not being practical. haha i'm really too traditionalist
and narrrow minded. shall broaden my sights and
don't keep making myself to do on "the spot running"
and lying that i had moved on. too exhausting le.
should'nt be over reliant on people also. needs to be independant.