shaking legs at home right now, stomach still churning
from a bout of diarrhoea (well.. its the usual) =P
but am glad to take a break out of the office.
guess i really need a long long break.. sometimes i do wonder
why am i so devastatingly dreadful of my work... that i harbour
so much resentment towards myself and slowing inflicting them
on others around me.. i juz somehow feel that i do not deserved
anyone after all..
i feel inadequate to being myself & i feel very helpless at times
when i cant even complete tasks which i myself had labeled as dumb
and i feel like a greater idiot. Being put down constantly does'nt help
much either.
i am disappointed in myself, people around me, but thinking twice, i feel that
actually no one owes me anything just i had being behaving like a
big time asshole.. with my constant low EQ, i'm hurting people who care
and i'm really sorry for. juz on sunday i yelled at my dad coz he was driving
fast enough to think he had actually cared enough to drive me back from work
and instead of being grateful, i gave him attitude problem. i really feel bad
about it. think i'm slowing letting my anger devour me and becoming a monster.
i kept saying that i'm tired, am stressed out, surviving on self pity and loathement
i really detest myself to become who i made myself to be. A lot of people
tried to give me their advice but was often dismissed with my snide remarks.
i was too proud to admit that i'm wrong and to the extent that i will lose my
temper when they do not dance along to my tune..
ok, i always think that Satan is not exactly the guy i want to hang out with
for eternity. so will start putting in efforts to change from this
"ban shou ren" back to an normal earthing..