Been doing lots of thinking these few days
esp today. was supposed to go out but in
the end i did'nt. lots of planning of what to
do blah blah but none was done. juz spent the whole day
dawdling,TV channel surfing etc, feeling restless -tat's how i
waste an non-working sat.
Haiz, should'nt waste my time like this but a
msg in the morning had juz ruined my whole day
now, i'm dreadful of my msg tone or ringtone.
yupz i'm exaggerating here but i'm really loathsome abt tat.
& my mood had'nt been great recently already. think he v.suay
always call/msg at the wrong time. i din reply him - silence
should be golden here. coz i dunnoe how to reply the "friends
after all" ques?
i dunnoe the real reason for me not wanting to be friends.
but i tot of a few reasons:
1. I'm angry with him over the betrayal episode(?)
2. Sick of the entire incident & hope to end tat eternally ?
3. afraid tat things will turn out tat way again?
4. still sore over wat he said?
and i dunnoe hoe to put tat in words. how can i possibly
reply him tat i dun want anything to do with u anymore?
yar i'mtrying to act "hao ren" here. but i really dunnoe
how to texthim tat. *err* if i could be so stoned-hearted,
maybe i'll juz text him my fav. tai ci from Wu Yen
(minus the divorce details of course! we were'nt married
in the first place) =P
No use trying other methods like got bf arr tat kind of thing
coz i tried tat ploy. Backfired miserably de.
i can still remember how he said he'll never give up.
Haunting voice.. should be grateful for his attn but
it's juz like the uncle episode last yr, it's not tat kind of
male attn i want. my mind is set, nothing will change this.
Even if i'm going to remain a spinster forever, i also mai. *pui*
if doraemon really exists i going to
borrow his "bai bao dai", find his memory disc thing
& erases all his memories of me with a mighty marker.
haha! of really got i also erase parts of my own also.
then i wont be so troubled over certain pple & issues.
i really feel tat i'm a 2 faced creature. like whenever
an argument/cold war starts, my mind will search those
past arguments also. haiz my mouth will say forgive
& forget but i find it easy to forgive but diff to forget.
contradicting myself all the time. angry with myself for
doing tat all the time. the more i recall, the more anger
i have and the worse i behave. things will juz end up
worse than ever. y am i s petty? cant i really forget?
i'm always the preacher not the action taker in this aspect.
And after anger subsides, i would'nt know how to face that
person. so i opt to walk away, pretend i dun see anything.
*plain childish* finds it hard to even mutter a sincere sorry
face to face. i dunnoe wat i am scared of. rejection maybe?
gulit? or wat?
i think tat's the main reason y i lost so many people in my
life. i expect my frendship/relationhip to be perfect
without any flaws at all. In the end, i'm only exerting
pressure on them with my over-idealistic ways. Demanding
things to be done my way.
The Leader - The confident, dominant type who will be able
to direct people into doing what he or she wants -
for better or worse. for the worse most of the time. i end up hurting &
being hurted - tat's the conclusion i get. so 2
chinese words to wrap it up - "Huo Gai"
my head's getting swollen also - i dun even
feel tat i'm at fault tis time.
Self-conceited -
\Self`-con*ceit"ed\, a. Having an overweening opinion of
one's own powers, attainments; vain; conceited.
-- Self`-con*ceit\"ed*ness, n
...............................................
will someone pls knock some sense into me ?
i need to be humble.
but something to gloat abt - took 2 IQ tests ol
my IQ ranges from 126 to 129.
An IQ of 120 therefore implies that the testee is brighter
than about 91% of the population, while 130 puts a person
ahead of 98% of people. A person with an IQ of 80 is brighter
than only 9% of people, and only a few score less than 60.
so means tat i'm brighter than 91-97% of the population?
haha u see ? growing ever more swollen-headed. *duh*
for punishment i will use the Theme Hospital head pump on
myself.
#@#@ An insane entry @#@#@#