dilemma over how funny things can turn out,
sometimes it's juz like fate had turned its tables
on you,, wat is fortunate & wat is unfortunate? that
depends on the situation.
okie, recently 2 people who i had cared a great deal abt
(& walked out of my life) had regained "contact" with me.
1 by mail the other - we actually met up yday..
i should be v.happy or shall i say thrilled? but.. the fact
is i'm not.. yupz i was surprised at first but when tat
wears off, doubt,emptiness juz filled me..
haiz.. is'nt tat was i wishing for all these years?
but when it came true, i juz felt so empty inside..
sounds illogical hor but haiz.. happy coz finally she
acknowlege my presence, unhappy coz e.thing was juz so
diff now.. i'm not blaming her but somehow there's juz a line
which i know deep down, both of us cant cross that.. we are going
to be "frens" for the sake for doing tat.. is tat worthwhile?
i really dunnoe.. afterall, she was my very best friend.. the one
i dun mind sacrificing a lot of things for, e one who really opened my
"door".. someone who i nid not say much to understand what i'm talking abt.
i really appreciate such pple.. haha as they says only freaks can understand
each other =P but guess we're out of the same league now..okie lar nid to stop "niaming" abt her. done tat for 5 yrs, v.sure u guys earache le.. muhaha =P ben lai can give up le, now like tat.. dunnoe how..
aniwae i only wish her happiness in e.way at least min. i know she dun hates
me..
Met up with *RY (names changed to protect privacy)yday coz half day..
din took leave intentionally, juz "kan qiao". got my 1st bd present for
the year.. get present happy of course but juz the feeling of seeing him
face-to-face is ........ i dunnoe how to describe that.. juz plain weird.
yupz i was avoiding him like mad.. like when mouse sees the cat.. haiz..
okie, i admit i'm not those pple who could stay in closecontact with my
exs.. to me, that's juz so weird.. weird coz as stated above i feel so
sadden when someone who used to be so familar seems to be so distant..
weird.. i'm unable to do tat.. nevertheless we managed to make small talk
but actually nothing in-depth, juz casual topics.. but at least he din try
to "torture" me with anything.. i would say i dun have any feelings for him
le.. yupz we're friends & staying this way til the end.. but seeing him
will bring those memories back.. okie for me & him
perhaps no ba.. did too many things i should'nt had done at all.. feels
gulity only nia.. no pt. y be so nice to me now? haiz.. more gulity.. the nicer
he is, the worse i felt. i rather he hates me, at least i feel better..
I'm all drained inside now... dunnoe wat to think wat to say...