had a frustrated trip to the polyclinic,
wonder y and y? i loathe it whenever any sympatheic
eyes comes my way.. i really dislike that kind
of feeling..
i sat there waiting for my turn, how ironic things turn
out to be as i remember siting at the same spot as well
when i accompanied my mum there last yr.. haiz..
i'm frustrated with myself
i'm not blaming that on anyone
juz felt that y must tat happen to me?
i could lead a normal life, how many times
i heard that since? but pple, do u understand
how i felt, it's always easy to say but putting that
to action is really difficult, i kept telling myself i'll be okie
juz eat my medicine and carry on with life - but now
i could'nt even convince myself to think my future is bright..
trials are supposed to make u stronger,but y this trial?
i'm scared really so.. everytime i go the doc's, i only get
negative stuff, how am i supposed to be positive ? he only can say
the medicine's not controlling my condition well.. i need to
go for more blood tests..
among the unfortunate, i might considered to be the luckiest ones
i still can eat, run, function 80% as a normal person.. i noe it..
i'm thankful for tat, juz for dad and mum, i know i cant disappoint
them. i need the strength to go on.. i need to find the strength
which is nt with me now..
weeping dun help ultimately, but
it offers some relief temporary... all these anguish, fears i kept hidden
for the past mth. perhaps talking to someone who understands me helps
i need to talk to him..